Yeah, I'm scared.

So there it is.

I'm afraid of the characters in my head. I'm afraid of how in love I am with the idea in my head. It's sort of like Athena -- ready to spring from my brain fully formed and ready to kick ass.

That's comforting in that I really shouldn't have to do anything but let it write itself. But it's also paralyzing because Athena, a.k.a. The Idea, is excellent in my head. It's golden. It's brilliant. It's beautiful. I don't know if I could make it so or keep it so if I tried to write it down. If I got involved.

My gut tells me all I really have to do is take dictation. Just sort of be a play-by-play announcer. But even that is daunting. These people are real and swift, and I can't watch all the plays and cover the whole story. I am only human.

My gut also tells me no one -- absolutely no one -- can tell this story like I can. What that means is the only one standing in my way is me.

I wrote a poem once for a boy, for Brian, and it was about how he met God in a dream. God was pissed that His creation was wasting the life he was given. God said to him something like

I made you in my image
I gave you your rough edges, your heart
Soul and your eyes.
I made you My Sun
and now you're afraid to rise

I'm usually at my best when I'm throwing stones.

Because here's the thing: I am good at this, goddamn it. I am really good at this. I know I am.

The fear, then? That's easy. It's:

What if I'm not?

So I start small. I introduce myself to Gabriel, Angela and Keir. See if they like me.